An Excerpt From a Book I'll Never Read
by goofychic100
Summary: "You must not know what it's like to grieve; it's a lot like fear. Like anxiety ripping you away piece by piece. The need to touch the other person's warm skin again and feel it against yours. Once you're gone that's it." Tony wanted to have Loki and never let him go... (Major Character Death. Sad One-shot about death. I may turn this into a full story.)
(The moments with the officer are present day, everything else with Tony and Loki is past/flashback)

An Excerpt From A Story I'll Never Read

Loki's father had a long list of things he didn't approve of, in fact there were so many things he didn't approve of.

Most of all though, his father could not comprehend Loki's love for someone so much older than him. Loki was twenty two and his boyfriend was thirty eight. His father had just gotten over him being gay and now he's a gold digger?

Odin did not approve.

* * *

There was a knock at the door and as soon as it opened the man was greeted with police. A man who looked remorseful stared him back in his eye, "...Hello…" The young officer started slowly.

* * *

Tony remembered when he first saw Loki from across the room. He was in a heated argument with his father about who knows what. He took in the site of Loki; he looked perfect. Tony had to have him. He watched the younger as he stormed off outside and Tony took the opportunity to follow.

The raven-haired male was leaning against the balcony rail, listening to the rain before reaching out his hand to catch the warm, misty drops on his fingertips. Tony took a moment longer to take in the sight before he approached. He flirted with people on a daily basis, why was he feeling so nervous.

"Hello, I'm To-"

"Look Playboy, I'm not interested," despite his words he let his eyes travel over Tony.

The billionaire smiled, finally seeing that up closer Loki was so much more beautiful. He didn't know what to do, so he just smirked, "Well, I'll see you again when you are interested. Have a nice night."

With that Tony left, leaving the other to stare at him as he did.

* * *

"I'm Officer Rogers…" The police officer stepped in a bit out of the rain.

* * *

"Our first date and you take me to Burger King?" Loki chuckled.

"I figured you were a cheap date who I could steal french fries from." Tony chuckled, "I know your parents have money kid, Why should I take you somewhere you probably get forced into going often?"

"Good point." Loki agreed.

"Good points are my speciality. Also I pride myself on my uncanny ability to get laid on the first date." The billionaire wiggled his brows playfully.

"Not going to happen."

"Never say never, Lo"

"I didn't say never." Loki raised his brows.

"Exactly." Tony gave a soft smile, reaching across the table to let his fingertips dance across Loki's pale hand gently, as if he might break it. "Exactly..." He said again softly as he felt the the ridges of Loki's knuckles; his fingers explored them like mountains, enjoying the highs and lows that were almost in time with the beat of his heart.

Everything was synchronized.

It felt perfect.

As Tony drove Loki home he sighed happily, content with the fact that he might not get laid.

Loki leaned over to him giving a peck on the cheek.

"You didn't say never though." Tony smirked.

"Exactly...so that doesn't mean not ever." Loki said softly before getting out.

Tony watched the sway of Loki's hips as he walked off into the house and hummed in appreciation. How'd he get so lucky?

* * *

The young Officer stuttered "I must inform you...that um..."

* * *

"I don't like this; not one bit!" Odin yelled, "He's too old for you! How long have you been dating Stark?"

Tony could hear the two argue from the other room.

He'd never forget it.

"Seven months," He barely heard Loki whisper.

"Excuse me?"

"I said seven months!" Loki said louder.

"Gods Loki! You think he is a good man? A man that old, fooling with a guy so young is disgusting. You think he wants you for you? He's just using you as a little play thing. You can do so much better for yourself!"

"Father stop!"

"He's holding you back. He's lived his life, he has nothing to offer you!"

Those words impacted Tony deeply; his chest ached in dread.

What if he was holding Loki back? Those moments he spent with Loki were like magic, but Odin was right...What was Loki going to do with an old man?

He left the Odinson house without a word.

Loki called for weeks and soon weeks turned into months.

Months turned into years…

* * *

"Maybe, you should sit down?" The Officer tried, but after seeing the other wasn't going to budge he just continued on.

* * *

"Hello?" Came a groggy voice on the phone.

"Fuck you."

It was Loki. And he was pissed off, Tony could tell. in that moment though, Tony realized how much he had missed Loki's voice.

"I...I had to leave…"

"I thought you'd call me or text at some point, it's been two years you asshole…" Loki sounded like he was sobbing, "You only answer me after two long, lonely fucking years. And for what? Because of my Father?"

"Lo-"

"I swear you better not have moved on."

"No, Lokes. I had my heart set on you."

Loki sniffled, "Then why'd you leave?"

"I'm holding you back...You have so many things to experience."

The younger gave a raspy, half-hearted chuckled, "You do realize that not every closed door is locked right? They'll always be opportunities for me, but losing the opportunity to be with you is going to crush me."

"Where'd you get that deep excerpt?" Tony smiled sadly.

"It's from a book I'll never write…"

* * *

"I don't know how to tell you this...I...Well…" The man mumbled, "Jesus…there-"

* * *

They'd been back together for a year now.

Tony remembered like it was yesterday.

They'd met on sheer chance and instantly reconnected. They were inseparable and the two year gap in their relationship was filled with other memories. They covered the gap with cherished moments, as if the separation never happened. Their second first kiss brought back a tingling sensation that he'd missed so much.

He craved Loki And the sex-

* * *

"-Was a tragic accident...The truck was going too fast."

* * *

-was amazing. It filled so many voids that it made Tony feel like he'd explode.

How could he be so lucky?

* * *

"...There was nothing he could do to get out of the way…"

* * *

Another year in the relationship and Tony remembers how they got the news.

That's when Loki started being reckless...

"I just wanted to feel alive again for once Tony!" Loki cried out.

"You barely got that damned thing and you though it was safe to drive it on a highway without a helmet?" Tony sneered.

"It's my motorcycle, what's it to you?"

"Fuck Loki! You missed your first day of chemo!"

Loki began to sob, "I don't want chemo…."

"You want me to grieve your loss? You have so much to live for...Loki you're twenty six."

"You'll be okay without-"

"Don't you dare fucking say that!" Tony interrupted, "Don't you fucking dare...You must not know what it's like to grieve; it's a lot like fear. Like fucking anxiety ripping you away piece by piece. The need to touch the other person's warm skin again and feel it against yours. Once you're gone that's it. I can't have you back...I cannot live knowing that we didn't at least try to help you..." He pleaded, "Please Loki, I can't...I can't wake up in the morning and feel the empty space in my bed. It'll kill me."

Loki practically collapsed to the floor crying and Tony was right there with him, holding him tight.

* * *

"The truck hit him head on, his car spun off the bridge." The Officer said, "He didn't...I'm so sorry...he didn't make it…"

* * *

Loki stammered back, "What?...No I…"

"Mr. Stark has passed."

Loki collapsed to the floor, "No...No no no no…" he repeatedly said as tears poured down his face as the Officer patted his back in a form of comfort.

"I loved him so much I...It wasn't supposed to be like this...Why now?" he pleaded to no one in particular as an overwhelming sense of dread filled him.

An overwhelming sense of grief.

* * *

"If you died tomorrow, who would kiss you?" Tony asked softly.

"You."

"Me?"

"Yeah, see I'd like to think that in death you get to pick a person to relive your memories with over and over. My death would be feeling your skin everyday, kissing you everyday, making love to you everyday." Loki said softly, "What would your death be?"

Tony smiled, "My death would be to relive every single moment with you, from the day I met you to the last time I see you." he said softly before heading off the work.

That was the last time he saw Loki...


End file.
